The Insomnia Series Haikus

Haiku To You, Too:
A Collection of Weird Verse
Penned by Joe Carl White

Insomnia, Part I

Lying in my bed,
Hoping for some taste of sleep
Before the Alarm.

The Optimist

In this world of woe
Look at things not as they are
But as they might be.

Ode to Dairy Queen

Chilli cheeseburger,
Large fries, large Dr Pepper
and a Dilly Bar.

Scardy-cat

Hey, Arminius!
Why do you always run off?
I'm your source of food!

On Being Assigned _Crime_&_Punishment_ in High School

Dostoyevsky?  Ugh!
This thing weighs more than my bike!
Time for the Cliff Notes.

Houston

Houston is my home,
Not because I have no choice,
But because I do.

Best If Purchased by ________

How can I be sure
that the milk is really bad
if I don't smell it?

"South Pacific" meets Oktoberfest

Dites-moi pourquoi
/Ach du Lieber, Augustine!/
La vie est belle?

Mysteries of Life #1

How come George Zimmer
(President, the Men's Wearhouse)
Never seems to blink?

Blacklisted

"Tell us, Mr. X.,
Are you now (or ever been)
Pinko, commie scum?"

Why I Hated Living in Chicago

Big Shoulders City:
Full of grayness, meanness, and
Really bad chilli.

The Romantic

I would like to love
but I just can't seem to bear
letting someone in.

Addiction

Good to the Last Drop!
But once it's gone, my head hurts:
Coffee is a drug.

The Downfall of American Civilization and it's Causes

Your stove didn't say
that it would be hot when touched:
I'll see you in court!

How to be Funny

How many [insert
non-PC-type] does it take
to change a light bulb?

Popular Science

E is mc^2.
Many know it; few can say
what it really means.

Mysteries of Life #2

Why do the street lights
always seem to flicker off
just as I walk by?

Insomnia, Part II

Now it's 2:01
and I'm still as far from sleep
as I was at 10.

Consequences, Age 6

If it's really true
that Santa Claus is watching
I'm in big trouble.

TV Criticism

"My Mother, the Car"
would have been much funnier
without the laugh track.

Little Ponderosa

Gravel country road
winding through the Piney Woods:
Granma and Papa.

The Phonecall

"Hello? Oh...hi, Joe.
Tonight? Sorry, no...I, er...
have to wash my hair."

Questioning my Childhood

"Jinx, owe me a Coke!
Wearing blue, you owe me two!"
Why the azure tax?

Trivia

Bet you didn't know
that the plastic shoelace tip
was called an aglet.

If

I bet that I could
run a sub-4-minute-mile
if I weren't so fat.

On My First Cigar

Brushing fifty times
Couldn't remove that vile taste.
Think I'll have one more.