Haiku To You, Too: A Collection of Weird Verse Penned by Joe Carl White Insomnia, Part I Lying in my bed, Hoping for some taste of sleep Before the Alarm. The Optimist In this world of woe Look at things not as they are But as they might be. Ode to Dairy Queen Chilli cheeseburger, Large fries, large Dr Pepper and a Dilly Bar. Scardy-cat Hey, Arminius! Why do you always run off? I'm your source of food! On Being Assigned _Crime_&_Punishment_ in High School Dostoyevsky? Ugh! This thing weighs more than my bike! Time for the Cliff Notes. Houston Houston is my home, Not because I have no choice, But because I do. Best If Purchased by ________ How can I be sure that the milk is really bad if I don't smell it? "South Pacific" meets Oktoberfest Dites-moi pourquoi /Ach du Lieber, Augustine!/ La vie est belle? Mysteries of Life #1 How come George Zimmer (President, the Men's Wearhouse) Never seems to blink? Blacklisted "Tell us, Mr. X., Are you now (or ever been) Pinko, commie scum?" Why I Hated Living in Chicago Big Shoulders City: Full of grayness, meanness, and Really bad chilli. The Romantic I would like to love but I just can't seem to bear letting someone in. Addiction Good to the Last Drop! But once it's gone, my head hurts: Coffee is a drug. The Downfall of American Civilization and it's Causes Your stove didn't say that it would be hot when touched: I'll see you in court! How to be Funny How many [insert non-PC-type] does it take to change a light bulb? Popular Science E is mc^2. Many know it; few can say what it really means. Mysteries of Life #2 Why do the street lights always seem to flicker off just as I walk by? Insomnia, Part II Now it's 2:01 and I'm still as far from sleep as I was at 10. Consequences, Age 6 If it's really true that Santa Claus is watching I'm in big trouble. TV Criticism "My Mother, the Car" would have been much funnier without the laugh track. Little Ponderosa Gravel country road winding through the Piney Woods: Granma and Papa. The Phonecall "Hello? Oh...hi, Joe. Tonight? Sorry, no...I, er... have to wash my hair." Questioning my Childhood "Jinx, owe me a Coke! Wearing blue, you owe me two!" Why the azure tax? Trivia Bet you didn't know that the plastic shoelace tip was called an aglet. If I bet that I could run a sub-4-minute-mile if I weren't so fat. On My First Cigar Brushing fifty times Couldn't remove that vile taste. Think I'll have one more.
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