{"id":464,"date":"2006-07-05T13:13:02","date_gmt":"2006-07-05T18:13:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.joewhite.com\/the-insomnia-series-haikus\/"},"modified":"2010-12-06T10:13:28","modified_gmt":"2010-12-06T15:13:28","slug":"the-insomnia-series-haikus","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.joewhite.com\/ramble\/writings\/the-insomnia-series-haikus\/","title":{"rendered":"The Insomnia Series Haikus"},"content":{"rendered":"<pre>Haiku To You, Too:\r\nA Collection of Weird Verse\r\nPenned by Joe Carl White\r\n\r\nInsomnia, Part I\r\n\r\nLying in my bed,\r\nHoping for some taste of sleep\r\nBefore the Alarm.\r\n\r\nThe Optimist\r\n\r\nIn this world of woe\r\nLook at things not as they are\r\nBut as they might be.\r\n\r\nOde to Dairy Queen\r\n\r\nChilli cheeseburger,\r\nLarge fries, large Dr Pepper\r\nand a Dilly Bar.\r\n\r\nScardy-cat\r\n\r\nHey, Arminius!\r\nWhy do you always run off?\r\nI'm your source of food!\r\n\r\nOn Being Assigned _Crime_&_Punishment_ in High School\r\n\r\nDostoyevsky?  Ugh!\r\nThis thing weighs more than my bike!\r\nTime for the Cliff Notes.\r\n\r\nHouston\r\n\r\nHouston is my home,\r\nNot because I have no choice,\r\nBut because I do.\r\n\r\nBest If Purchased by ________\r\n\r\nHow can I be sure\r\nthat the milk is really bad\r\nif I don't smell it?\r\n\r\n\"South Pacific\" meets Oktoberfest\r\n\r\nDites-moi pourquoi\r\n\/Ach du Lieber, Augustine!\/\r\nLa vie est belle?\r\n\r\nMysteries of Life #1\r\n\r\nHow come George Zimmer\r\n(President, the Men's Wearhouse)\r\nNever seems to blink?\r\n\r\nBlacklisted\r\n\r\n\"Tell us, Mr. X.,\r\nAre you now (or ever been)\r\nPinko, commie scum?\"\r\n\r\nWhy I Hated Living in Chicago\r\n\r\nBig Shoulders City:\r\nFull of grayness, meanness, and\r\nReally bad chilli.\r\n\r\nThe Romantic\r\n\r\nI would like to love\r\nbut I just can't seem to bear\r\nletting someone in.\r\n\r\nAddiction\r\n\r\nGood to the Last Drop!\r\nBut once it's gone, my head hurts:\r\nCoffee is a drug.\r\n\r\nThe Downfall of American Civilization and it's Causes\r\n\r\nYour stove didn't say\r\nthat it would be hot when touched:\r\nI'll see you in court!\r\n\r\nHow to be Funny\r\n\r\nHow many [insert\r\nnon-PC-type] does it take\r\nto change a light bulb?\r\n\r\nPopular Science\r\n\r\nE is mc^2.\r\nMany know it; few can say\r\nwhat it really means.\r\n\r\nMysteries of Life #2\r\n\r\nWhy do the street lights\r\nalways seem to flicker off\r\njust as I walk by?\r\n\r\nInsomnia, Part II\r\n\r\nNow it's 2:01\r\nand I'm still as far from sleep\r\nas I was at 10.\r\n\r\nConsequences, Age 6\r\n\r\nIf it's really true\r\nthat Santa Claus is watching\r\nI'm in big trouble.\r\n\r\nTV Criticism\r\n\r\n\"My Mother, the Car\"\r\nwould have been much funnier\r\nwithout the laugh track.\r\n\r\nLittle Ponderosa\r\n\r\nGravel country road\r\nwinding through the Piney Woods:\r\nGranma and Papa.\r\n\r\nThe Phonecall\r\n\r\n\"Hello? Oh...hi, Joe.\r\nTonight? Sorry, no...I, er...\r\nhave to wash my hair.\"\r\n\r\nQuestioning my Childhood\r\n\r\n\"Jinx, owe me a Coke!\r\nWearing blue, you owe me two!\"\r\nWhy the azure tax?\r\n\r\nTrivia\r\n\r\nBet you didn't know\r\nthat the plastic shoelace tip\r\nwas called an aglet.\r\n\r\nIf\r\n\r\nI bet that I could\r\nrun a sub-4-minute-mile\r\nif I weren't so fat.\r\n\r\nOn My First Cigar\r\n\r\nBrushing fifty times\r\nCouldn't remove that vile taste.\r\nThink I'll have one more.<\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Haiku To You, Too: A Collection of Weird Verse Penned by Joe Carl White Insomnia, Part I Lying in my bed, Hoping for some taste<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":647,"featured_media":0,"parent":851,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-464","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/PekNN-7u","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joewhite.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/464","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joewhite.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joewhite.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joewhite.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/647"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joewhite.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=464"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.joewhite.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/464\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":856,"href":"https:\/\/www.joewhite.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/464\/revisions\/856"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joewhite.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/851"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joewhite.com\/ramble\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=464"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}