For those who are interested, here (in the extended section) is the scene Roy Johnson and I wrote and performed for the Maundy Thursday service at Bethany.
© Roy E. Johnson and Joe Carl White
Setting: Matthew 26:36-43
[Goofus is starting to nod off. Gallant nudges him.]
Gallant Hey, Jesus said to stay awake and pray. You want him to yell at us again?
Goofus But I’m tired of praying…I’m just tired, period.
Gallant I’m tired, too.
Goofus I thought we were going to bed after dinner; I didn’t know we would be coming up here.
Gallant Well, he asked us to come up here and pray, and we do what he asks, right?
Goofus If I had known we were coming up here, I wouldn’t have had all that wine.
Gallant And Peter’s already dozing again….look at him, sleeping like a rock.
Goofus Maybe that’s why Jesus started calling him that.
Gallant Jesus also said Peter was going to deny him three times…that we all were going to deny him.
Goofus I’m not denying, I’m just resting!
Gallant I don’t like the way things have been going these past few days.
Goofus Yeah, Jesus has been awful moody.
Gallant The week started out great. It was like he was ready to kick it off and finally claim his kingdom.
Goofus When he rode into Jerusalem, the people were all with him.
Gallant Waving palm branches, singing ‘Hosanna in the highest’
Goofus Yeah, good times, good times….
Gallant But then there was that scene at the Temple.
Goofus Did he have to knock over the tables like that? Those animals for the sacrifice made such a mess.
Gallant I didn’t mind him kicking out the merchants and the moneychangers…they needed to go.
Goofus I guess that wasn’t so bad…but the talk of tearing down the temple? That really turned folks against us.
Gallant I hate it when he gets like that.
Goofus It’s not just embarrassing, it’s dangerous.
Gallant And rebuilding the Temple in three days? What was that about?
Goofus He’s a good carpenter, but he’s not that good.
Gallant Ha, ha, ha…will you be serious?
Goofus What’s with you, Mr. Sourpuss?
Gallant I’m just tired, ok? And worried.
Goofus I know…I’m worried, too. It seems like all of us have been antsy lately.
Gallant I just wish I knew what was going to happen…first he says he’s going to prepare rooms for us, but then he says where he’s going, we can’t follow.
Goofus I don’t understand him half the time.
Gallant He’s always talking in riddles. It’s probably what made me want to follow him to begin with, but sometimes it’s just really frustrating. It’s like he’s from some other planet.
Goofus Well, I thought tonight he was going to get back on track. When he talked about how he’d been looking forward to coming to Jerusalem for this Passover.
Gallant Yeah, I was thinking maybe he’d demonstrate his power with more miracles. He hasn’t done many lately.
Goofus There those two blind guys on our way here…other than that, bupkiss.
Gallant Tonight, a night “different from all other nights,” you’d think he’d do something big.
Goofus Well, he washed your feet…
Gallant Some miracle.
Goofus Getting your feet clean is a miracle.
Gallant Hey, now. Oh, and speaking of feet, what was with wasting the nard the other day?
Goofus Nard?
Gallant Oil. Ointment. Balm, you idiot.
Goofus Oh, you mean the lady at Simon the leper’s house.
Gallant Yes….
Goofus It’s hers to use how she likes. Jesus thought it was appropriate.
Gallant I thought it was creepy…he was talking like he was going to die.
Goofus He’s been kind of stuck on that lately. Tonight, even: “My body, my blood.” Those are nice images at dinner.
Gallant Well, it is Passover. It’s a theme. Except we’re supposed to be spared from death, not anticipating it.
Goofus Well, he’s been talking about his death for weeks now. Like on our way to Jerusalem…
Gallant …saying how he’s going to be condemned by the religious leaders and handed to the Romans and be crucified and then raised.
Goofus He’s talked about that kind of stuff every now and then, but I didn’t think he meant it. I thought he was speaking in paradiddles again.
Gallant Parables.
Goofus Whatever.
Gallant But now it seems like he’s really intent on making it happen.
Goofus What do you think ‘it’ is?
Gallant That bit about the shepherd being struck. And his blood being poured out, the “covenant in my blood”. Getting killed.
Goofus And then being raised up?
Gallant Yeah…he said he’d be killed, and then be raised, and see us again in Galilee.
Goofus Who’s going to raise him? He’s the only one I know who’s raised anybody from the dead. And he can’t do that if he’s dead, himself…can he?
Gallant Well, maybe it’s us…I mean, he gave us power to cast out demons and heal the sick, and we’ve done that, haven’t we? Maybe we’re supposed to raise him?
Goofus He did say all things were possible just by asking in prayer with faith. Remember that fig tree?
Gallant But all this, just to meet us in Galilee? I just – don’t – get it. Why can’t we just all go back up there together after Passover? Why all this dying and raising business?
Goofus He said it was to fulfill what was written.
Gallant A lot has been written. But there’s got to be more of a point than that. We know he’s the Son of God, right?
Goofus Shhh…he said not to tell anybody!
Gallant Nobody’s here…well, there’s Rocky, and he doesn’t count because aleph) he’s one of us, and bet) his snoring would drown out anybody around trying to listen. So answer me.
Goofus ok, fine…yes, he’s the son of God.
Gallant So how can the Son of God die?
Goofus On a cross, apparently.
Gallant [grrrr] But how can he let the Romans kill him? I mean, we’re working for this new kingdom, how can it happen if our King is crucified?
Goofus You got me. I really don’t like thinking like that. This has got to just be…I don’t know, some set-up. Or a test. But if he’s testing me, I’m failing.
Gallant Sheol, we’re having a hard time just doing the simple things he’s asked of us, like staying awake. He’s already caught us napping twice.
Goofus Right. Keep talking.
Gallant About?
Goofus Well, what do you think the kingdom is going to be like?
Gallant Jesus has said the kingdom is like many things: a pearl, virgins at a wedding, a farmer who planted in good soil….But he also said that it can’t be observed. That it is within us, among us.
Goofus That’s what I don’t get. It’s all riddles and analogies and nothing just out and out. I’m so confused.
Gallant I am, too. But, maybe, we’re not supposed to know it all. It’s enough that he knows, and we trust him to be right. And, like the Proverbs say, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and he’ll make straight your paths.
Goofus I guess you’re right. And I do trust him. When he says the things I do understand, stuff like how we’re supposed to love God above all else, and to treat everyone like our neighbor, cutting through all the junk those sadducees are always spouting to what God really wants us to do…he just makes sense, ya know?
Gallant He does, indeed.
Goofus Well, in any case, I know one thing…I’m gonna be sitting at his right in the kingdom.
Gallant Oh, don’t start that again.
Goofus No, I’ve finally got one all figured out: he said when he comes back, he was gonna put the sheep on the right and the goats on the left. Well, you’re a Capricorn, and that’s a goat, so you must be on the left, and I’m an Aries, which is the Sheep, so that means I’m on the right!
Gallant Oh, go to sleep!
© Roy E. Johnson and Joe Carl White
We even get the words of Goofus in red.
Readers should note that the audience doesn’t know that we’ve labeled them Goofus and Gallant. They are, in fact, James and John, but we wanted them to have distinct personalities that we could keep straight. And we didn’t want to specifically equate either apostle with Goofus (or Gallant, for that matter).